Today’s Readings:
Ruth 2.1-23; Revelation 14.14-18 John 6.24-35
This week we remember in our prayers
Sunday 30 September  St David's - (Wales) The Rt Revd Carl Norman Cooper
Church of North India: North-East India – Bishop Purely Lyngdoh
Monday 1 October St Edmundsbury & Ipswich - (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd William Nigel Stock
St Edmundsbury & Ipswich - Dunwich - (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Clive Young
MMA 29b - Matlock St Giles, Dethick, Lea and Holloway
Tuesday 2 October   St Helena - (South Africa) The Rt Revd John William Salt
Clergy: Mark Crowther-Alwyn
Wednesday 3 October Mthatha (formerly St John's) - (South Africa) The Rt Revd Dr Sitembele Tobela Mzamane
MMA 29c - Matlock Bank and Tansley
Thursday 4 October St Mark the Evangelist - (South Africa) The Rt Revd Martin Andre Breytenbach
Clergy: Richard Reade
Friday 5 October Sunyani - (West Africa) The Rt Revd Thomas Ampah Brient
MMA 29d - Darley, South Darley, Winster
Saturday 6 October Swansea & Brecon - (Wales) The Rt Revd Anthony Edward Pierce
Clergy: Robert Quarton, John Marshall
Noah and the Ark - 2007 style
In the year 2007, Noah was living in England when the Lord came unto him and said, "Once again, the earth has become too wicked to continue. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing. You have six months before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his garden, but no Ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me Lord", begged Noah "but things have been difficult. I needed Building Regulations approval because the Ark was over 30 square metres. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is a development of the site even though in my opinion it is a temporary structure, but the roof is too high.
"The Local Area Access Group complained that my ramp was going to be too steep and the inside of the Ark wasn't fully accessible. Getting the wood has been another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to preserve the Spotted Owl. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA sued me for intending to confine wild animals without the proper paperwork. The County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority have ruled that I can't build the Ark until they've conducted an Environmental Impact Study on your proposed flood. The Trade Unions insist that I can't use my sons to build the Ark; I can only employ members of the Shipbuilding and Allied Trades union. Finally, Customs and Excise have seized all my assets, claiming I am going to attempt to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me Lord, but it will take me at least another ten years to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky. "No need for me to destroy the world after all," observed God. "The government's beaten me to it."
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Sunday 30 September - Trinity 18
Harvest Thanksgiving - Sutton & Trusley
10.30a.m. United Harvest Holy Communion - Sutton
6.45p.m. Harvest Evensong - Trusley
Wednesday 3 October
10.30a.m. Holy Communion - Long LaneThursday 4 October
9.30a.m. School Harvest Service - Church Broughton
Friday 5 October
9.05a.m. School Harvest Service - Longford
7.00p.m. Harvest Thanksgiving - Boylestone
Sunday 7 October - Trinity 19
Harvest Thanksgiving - Boylestone, Church Broughton & Longford
8.00a.m. Holy Communion - Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Harvest Mattins - Boylestone
10.00a.m. Harvest Family Service - Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion - Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins - Trusley
11.15a.m. Harvest Holy Communion - Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong - Dalbury
6.30p.m. Harvest Evensong - Longford
Forthcoming Harvest Services
5 October - Boylestone
7 October - Boylestone, Church Broughton, Longford
14 October - Radbourne
21 October - Dalbury
The Parish Pump and the Benefice entry to the South Derbyshire Churchman can now be found on the internet at: http://churchbroughtonchurch.blog.co.uk/

Readings for Today: Amos 8.4-71 Timothy 2.1-7 Luke 16.1-13
At Harvest Festival Services in Long Lane the readings are:
11am
7pm
This week we remember in our prayers
Sunday 23 September Southwest Florida - (USA) Bishop John Bailey Lipscomb
Wirksworth Deanery: Rural Dean: Robert Quarton, Lay Chair: Judith Hayward
Monday 24 September Southwestern Virginia - (USA) Bishop Frank Neff Powell
MMA 28 Wirksworth Team: Bonsall, Bradbourne, Brassington, Carsington, Idridgehay, Kirk Ireton, Middleton by Wirksworth, Wirksworth, Alderwasley, Elton
Tuesday 25 September Spokane - (USA) Bishop James Edward Waggoner
Wirksworth Team Clergy: David Truby, Gillian Manley, Stanley Monkhouse, Keith Orford
Wednesday 26 September Springfield - (USA) Bishop Peter Hess Beckwith
Wirksworth Team Readers: Elizabeth Thomas, Brian Smith, Bernice Smith, Rod Prince
Thursday 27 September St Albans - Bishop Christopher Herbert
St Albans - Bedford - Bishop Richard Neil Inwood
St Albans - Hertford - Bishop Christopher Richard James Foster
Wirksworth Team Churchwardens
Friday 28 September St Andrew's Dunkeld & Dunblane - (Scotland) Bishop David Robert Chillingworth
MMA 29a - Cromford, Matlock Bath
Saturday 29 September St Asaph - (Wales) Bishop John Stewart Davies
Clergy: Nick Grayshon (from 8th October), Julie Stanton
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
MAGAZINE MATERIAL TODAY please

Sunday 23 September - Trinity 17 - Long Lane Harvest Thanksgiving
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion - Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service - Sutton
6.45p.m. Evensong - Trusley
7.00p.m. Harvest Evensong - Long Lane
Next Sunday 30 September - Trinity 18 -- Harvest Thanksgiving - Sutton & Trusley
10.30a.m. Note time United Harvest Holy Communion - Sutton
6.45p.m. Harvest Evensong - Trusley
Sunday Groaner
When push comes to shove….
The Vicar and his wife were awakened at 3am by a loud pounding on the door. Startled, the man got up and went to the door to find a stranger, standing in the pouring rain. "Please will you help me," he said. "I need a push."
"Not a chance," said the vicar. "It is three o'clock in the morning." He slammed the door and returned to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some chap asking for a push," he answered.
"And did you help him?" she asks.
"No. I did not. It's three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!"
His wife said, "I'm ashamed of you! Last Sunday you preached on the Good Samaritan. Now you've got someone in need knocking on your door, and you refuse to help… oh, how can you be so hard-hearted?"
The vicar knew he was beaten. So he got up, got dressed and went out into the pouring rain. He called out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"
"Yes," came back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" called the vicar
"Yes! Please! I can't move without one!" came the eager reply.
"But - where are you?" cried the minister, peering into the rain.
"Over here on the swing!!"

29 St Michael and All Angels
Michael is an archangel, whose name means ‘who is like unto God?’ He makes various appearances throughout the Bible, from the book of Daniel to the Book of Revelation. In Daniel, he is ‘one of the princes’ of the heavenly host, and the special guardian of Israel. In Revelation, he is the principal fighter of the heavenly battle against the devil.
From early times, Michael’s cult was strong in the British Isles. Churches at Malmesbury (Wiltshire) , Clive (Gloucestershire) and Stanmer (East Sussex) were dedicated to him. Bede mentions him. St Michael’s Mount in Cornwall was believed to commemorate a vision there in the 8th century. By the end of the Middle Ages, Michael had 686 English churches dedicated to him.
In art Michael is often depicted as slaying the dragon, as in the 14th century East Anglican Psalters, or in Epstein’s famous sculpture at Coventry cathedral. Or he is found (in medieval art) as weighing souls, as at Chaldon (Surrey), Swalcliffe (Oxon.), Eaton Bishop (Hereford and Worcester), and Martham in Suffolk.
Michael’s most famous shrine in western Europe is Mont-Saint-Michel, where a Benedictine abbey was founded in the 10th century.
All Saints, Dalbury can boast a panel of stained glass depicting St Michael. This, the oldest panel of stained glass in Britain, was made between 1100 and 1130.
Forthcoming Harvest Services
30 September - Sutton & Trusley
5 October - Boylestone
7 October - Boylestone, Church Broughton, Longford
14 October - Radbourne
21 October - Dalbury
The Parish Pump and the Benefice entry to the South Derbyshire Churchman can now be found on the internet at: http://churchbroughtonchurch.blog.co.uk/

Readings Exodus 32.7-14; Jeremiah 4:11-22.22-28; 1 Timothy 1.12-17; Luke 15.1-10
This week we remember in our prayers
Today 16th September
Archbishop Bernard Amos Malango Archbishop of Central Africa & Bishop of Upper ShireChurch of North India: Nasik – Bishop Pradip L. Kamble
Monday 17th September
Southern Nyanza - (Kenya) Bishop James Ochiel
Stapenhill Immanuel, Winshil
Tuesday 18th September
Southern Ohio - (USA) Bishop Thomas E Breidenthal
Suffragan Bishop: Bishop Kenneth Lester Price
Clergy: Brian Leathers, Michael Mookerji
Wednesday  19th September
Southern Philippines - Bishop Danilo Bustamante
MMA 57 - Stapenhill St Peter, Caldwell
Thursday 20th September
Southern Virginia - (USA) Bishop Robert (Bob) Johnson
Clergy: Michael Andreyev
Friday 21st September
Southwark Bishop Thomas Butler
Southwark - Croydon Bishop Nicholas Baines
Southwark - Kingston-upon-Thames - (Bishop Richard Cheetham
Southwark - Woolwich - Bishop Christopher Chessun
Retired clergy (Repton): Len Carpenter, George Goodall, Ian Jarvis, Stanley Morris, Geoffrey Willett
Saturday 22nd September
Southwell & Nottingham - Bishop George Cassidy
Southwell - Sherwood Bishop Anthony Porter
Bishop's Adviser for Child Protection – Colin Smillie
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today - 16th September  - Trinity 15
8.00a.m. Holy Communion - Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins - Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion - Dalbury
11.00a.m. Mattins - Sutton
12noon Holy Communion - Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong - Long Lane
Tuesday 18th September
7.30p.m. Long Lane PCC
Wednesday 19th September
8.00p.m. Church Broughton PCC
Friday 21st September
2.45p.m. School Harvest Service - Long Lane
Long Lane Harvest Supper
Saturday 22nd September
Visiting ringers at Church Broughton & Sutton
Next Sunday 23rd September - Trinity 16
Long Lane Harvest Thanksgiving
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion - Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service - Sutton
6.45p.m. Evensong - Trusley
7.00p.m. Harvest Evensong - Long Lane
Sunday Groaner
Angels - As Explained by Children
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold. -- Gregory, 5
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. -- Olive, 9
It's not easy to become an angel! First, you gotta die. Then you go to heaven, then there's still the flight
training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. -- Matthew, 9
Sheep’s Tale (Luke 15:1-7)
I didn’t know I was lost,
Just thought I’d try a new path,
Walk a different way for a while.
After all, the rest of the flock
Seemed so comfortable, so sure of themselves.
I’d sometimes felt alone
Even with the ninety-nine all around me.
Then there was my voice - always one bleat behind,
And just because I sat behind that particular bush
Where the ewes always congregate,
I got pushed to the edge of the flock.
So, yes, I’d strayed a bit,
But I wouldn’t say I was lost exactly,
Just wandering.
That was until night fell,
And I fell
Deep into danger,
Far from the flock,
Lonely and yes, lost now
And wanting so much to go home,
Not knowing how,
Needing help,
And the night so dark.
Then out of darkness
His voice of light,
Searching,
His arms of rescue,
Saving,
His heart of love,
Rejoicing
Because he found me,
My Shepherd.
He came to look
For me.
Daphne Kitching
The Parish Pump and the Benefice entry to the South Derbyshire Churchman can now be found on the internet at: http://churchbroughtonchurch.blog.co.uk/

To view today’s readings, click the link: Deuteronomy 30.15-20; Jeremiah 18.1-11 Philemon 1-21 Luke 14.25-33
This week we remember in our prayers
Sunday 9th September
South West Tanganyika - (Tanzania) Vacant
Church of North India:
Nagpur – Bishop Paul Dupare
Monday 10th September
South Western Brazil - (Brazil) Bishop Jubal Pereira Neves
Gresley
Church Gresley St. George’s C.E.
V.C. Primary School
Tuesday 11th September
Southeast Florida - (Province IV, USA) Bishop Leopold Frade Suffragan Bishop of Southeast Florida - (Province IV, USA) Bishop John L Said
Clergy: David Perrett, Jean Burgess.
Readers: Jane Clamp, Pietje Carpenter.
Wardens: Steven Payne, Jane
Tomlinson
Wednesday 12th September
Southeastern Mexico - (Mexico) Bishop Benito Juarez-Martinez
Seale and Lullington, Coton
Netherseal St. Peter’s C.E. V.C Primary School,
Coton in the Elms C.E. V.C. Primary School
Thursday 13th September
Southern Brazil - (Brazil) Bishop Orlando Santos de Oliveira
Clergy: Michael Yates.
Wardens: (Netherseal) Carolyn Beynon; (Overseal) Mrs E Williamson, Mrs G Edwards; (Lullington) Mrs R Cooper, G
Statham; (Coton in the Elms) M Deakin, Mrs J Sherriff
Friday 14th September
Southern Highlands - (Tanzania) Bishop John Mwela
Croxall, Linton, Castle Gresley, Rosliston, Walton on Trent
Rosliston C.E. V.C. Primary School,
Walton-on-Trent C.E. V.C. Primary School
Saturday 15th September
Southern Malawi - (Central Africa) Bishop James Tengatenga
Clergy: Lesley de Pomerai, David de Pomerai. Reader: Anna Venables.
Wardens: (Croxall) Mrs G Lowe, Mrs K Neilson; (Linton) Tom Horspool, Mavis Gallimore; (Rosliston) Margaret Hall;
(Walton on Trent) Muriel Hall
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Sunday 9th September  - Trinity 14
8.30a.m. Holy Communion - Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion - Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins - Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion - Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion - Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong - Longford
Monday 10th September
7pm PCC Boylestone
Tuesday 11th September
Prayer & Praise - 2 Glebe Close LL
Wednesday 12th September
7.30pm MMA Meeting -Boylestone
Thursday 13th September
7.30p.m. Children’s Day Planning - Vicarage
Next Sunday 16th September - Trinity 15
8.00a.m. Holy Communion - Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins - Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion - Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion - Dalbury
11.00a.m. Mattins - Sutton
12noon Holy Communion - Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong - Long Lane
Sunday Groaner
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less
then 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her dressing gown and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new pair of bathroom scales.
Ed has been missing since Friday.

The Parish Pump and the Benefice entry to the South Derbyshire Churchman can now be found on the internet at: http://churchbroughtonchurch.blog.co.uk/